I found the prospect of becoming a grandmother somewhat daunting. I was younger than I thought a grandmother should be when I got the news that I was going to become one myself. I admit, it was not a role that I was emotionally ready to embrace. I had been a young mother, and had certainly hoped my daughter would not face that same challenge. I remarried when she was a teenager, then had two more children. On getting the news that she was expecting, I remember thinking "What do I know about being a grandmother - I haven't even finished raising my own kids yet!" I don't like to be unprepared, so I read a few books about grandparenting. That gave me a little help, but I was still uncertain. I thought about other grandmothers I knew, and got a few ideas I liked and a few more that I didn't. But I couldn't quite figure out what kind of grandmother I wanted to be. Then I thought about my own grandmother, Granny, as she's known by most people, and I knew I had the answer.
I didn't realize it until that moment, but my own grandmother was the example for the kind of grandmother I wanted to be. I am fortunate that I got to spend a lot of time with my grandparents when I was a little kid. Here's what I learned from my Granny:
Grandmothers always have a cookie jar. For my entire life, Granny always had a cookie jar full of cookies. When I was a little tiny girl, just at eye level with the counter, Granny would get the cookie jar down for me. When I was a little older I learned how to pull the chair over so I could reach. As I got taller, if I really stretched, I could reach the cookie jar with my finger tips and move it close enough to get it down off the counter to find out what kind of treat was inside. Always the first thing I did when I went to Granny's house was check the cookie jar, and there were always cookies in it. Many years later, I'd drive my own children to Granny's house and the first thing I'd do is get us all a cookie. So grandmothers must have a cookie jar, and on my granddaughter's first Christmas, my daughter bought me my own cookie jar.
Grandmothers are creative. When I was little, there weren't a lot of toys at Granny's house, but we never lacked in ways to entertain ourselves. Granny had a coffee can full of pop bottle lids - the metal kind that required an opener to remove them from the glass pop bottles. Those provided hours of entertainment! I'd sort through them and pick out the ones that weren't bent too badly and build a castle with them. We also did crafts, like making beautiful flowers from tissues, and when I was about five or so, she taught me to crochet. No matter how much I messed up, she always praised my efforts.
Grandmothers know how to have fun. Time at Granny's was never boring. She always had lots of fun things we could do. I could wash dishes as long as I wanted, and even rinse them, but never when the sharp knife was in the sink. She'd put a kitchen chair for me to stand on right by the sink, fill it with warm - but never too hot - sudsy water on one side and warm water on the other side to rinse in. I could wash dishes for as long as I wanted to. If the water got cold, she'd warm it back up for me. If I accidentally splashed water all over the place, she'd let me clean it up with the towel. She always told me I was doing a great job.
She let me help in other ways too. We made the most delicious desserts. We'd take a box of graham crackers, break the crackers in half, then put icing between the two halves. Graham cracker cookies we called them. Another treat we fixed was peanut butter mixed with butter and syrup. We'd spread it on a piece of white bread and I thought it was delicious! As a child, I could not imagine anything could taste better, or be more fun.
Sometimes we'd go to the park and I'd get to spend the whole day playing with all my cousins. On hot summer nights we'd go to the ice cream shop, and Granny and Grandpa waited patiently while I chose exactly the flavor I wanted. Sometimes all we'd do is go for a ride in the car. In those days there were a lot of old abandoned houses around, and I really wanted to go inside one, so Granny decided to take me "spooking". I was so excited! Armed with flashlights, even though it was daytime, we went inside one of the old houses. I made it about as far as the front door then got too scared and started crying and Grandpa had to carry me back to the car. We decided we wouldn't go "spooking" any more.
Grandmothers are magical. Granny had the amazing talent of being able to pull a penny out of the wall at any time. I would point to a spot on the wall and she could always pull a penny out. No matter how hard I tried I could never find those pennies and get them out of the wall. She let me keep the pennies too, and even gave me an old powder box to put them in. I still have that powder box.
Grandmothers are patient. One of my favorite things to do as a little girl was "fix" Granny's hair. She would sit and let me brush her hair, part it however I wanted to, and adorn it with various bobby pins and hair clips. She always told me it looked beautiful, and sometimes she even wore my attractive hairdos in public. She'd also let me play nurse and rub lotion on her arms and legs - she probably had the softest skin in town!
Other times, she and Grandpa would pack up the fishing gear and take my brother and me fishing. They'd bait our hooks over and over again after we cast our lines badly and lost the worms. Every now and then we'd catch a fish and it was always a beauty. One time while attempting to cast my line I accidentally snagged my brother's neck. Grandpa just unhooked my brother while Granny packed up the fishing gear, then took us home to clean him up. She didn't even scold me.
Grandmothers never disappoint. Thanksgiving has always been a big deal for me because for most of my life the way we celebrated was an unwavering tradition in our family. We always had Thanksgiving dinner at Granny's house. Even as an adult with my own kids and then grandkids, we went to Granny's house for Thanksgiving. Then six years ago, Grandpa died the day before Thanksgiving. I can't even describe how sad we were. No one even wanted to have Thanksgiving that year, but we went to my mom's house for dinner anyway, and my grandparents weren't there, for the first time in my life. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about it. The following year we were going to start a new Thanksgiving tradition and have dinner at my mom's house. I knew it made sense to do that, but emotionally I didn't want to make that change. The worst part was, Granny said she wasn't going to come since it was near the one year anniversary of Grandpa's death. I told my mom she had to, and she said "Well, she won't". About a week before Thanksgiving, I was at Granny's house and brought up the subject. We had a lengthy discussion and I did my best cajoling, but she said "Christy, I'm too old now." I clearly remember standing in front of her saying "But I'm not old enough" as tears rolled down my cheeks. She wrapped me in her arms then, as she'd done so often when I was little, even though I was now a full grown woman with my own grandchildren, told me that she loved me and that she'd be there for Thanksgiving. And she was.
Grandmothers love unconditionally. Thinking back on a lifetime of memories of Granny, the thing that stands out for me is that in my whole life, Granny never once said mean words to me. I don't recall ever thinking she was mad at me. I know I wasn't a perfect child, but I always felt like to her I was beautiful and everything I did was wonderful. She believed in me. Even as an adult she still treats me that way. How lucky I've been to have a lifetime of love, praise and encouragement like that. I visit Granny as often as I can. Sometimes we play cards, sometimes we watch TV, sometimes we just talk. When I'm traveling I call her to pass the time while I'm driving. Sometimes I call her when I'm sad or frustrated. She always encourages me and does not judge me. I know I am so very lucky to have had a grandmother for 47 years. I also know that's not nearly long enough.
With my own grandchildren, I've fallen short on most of the lessons I learned from Granny. I've got a cookie jar, but it's never had a cookie in it. It does have old Halloween and Christmas candy in it though. I don't really like to have my hair brushed because no matter who does it, it pulls, and I don't sit down long enough to be lotioned. I still don't bait my own hooks, let alone someone else's. But of everything I learned from Granny, what I am determined to carry on to my grandchildren is loving them unconditionally; believing in their unique abilities and encouraging and praising them in whatever they do. If I am able to maintain the relationship with them that my grandmother has with me, I'll feel like I lived up to Granny's example.
Labels: Cookie, Grandmothers
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